In my feelings

I have been in my feelings for a while now. It has everything   something to do with my finances. I don't want to get into too much detail but, this is a really difficult period for me in that respect.

I have done work that I haven't been paid for and it sucks. Its unfair. I'm hurting so badly right now, in terms of my pride and productivity. I actually no longer want to work because I don't see the correlation between my input and my output.

Yu'up

So I have been in my feelings because of this. BUT! On the upside I met some really good quality people doing a course called "Investing in Excellence", conducted by the Pacific Institute. This course has just blown open parts of my life that I had hidden away for so long. Coping mechanisms are ok up to a certain point, but they can be dangerous when they outlive their usefulness. My dislike of vulnerability is one such coping mechanism which has adversely affected my ability to connect with others.

Last week, while bootlegging music, I decided to look for Darlene Zschech's new album  and visited her blog. I discovered that she has cancer. I jumped right out my feelings and I have subsequently bought her album on iTunes!She recorded this album with the knowledge that she has cancer. Now she is going through her chemo and she posts the most encouraging scriptures. Her body is under siege  by this disease, but she has such peace. I wanted to buy her album to hear what she has to say to God after He allowed her to have this disease. I don't have money in the bank, but I have my health. I have a fully functioning body. 

3 John 1:2 says  Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers.

It forced me to count my blessings. 

At this same time last year I was facing one of the most difficult times of my life. God got me out of that situation, I saw God fighting for me. This song got me through me the difficult time. He is still the same God. 

I used to play this song in my office last year, trusting God for freedom from that situation. A year later, I am playing it from my home. Where will I be when I play it next year???

In Jesus Name...........