Solution

If you have been reading this blog, you know by now I get overwhelmed quite a bit.

Its honestly because I am controlling. If I really "let go and let God", or trusted people a little more- I would have no worries.

Although I am an only child, I was not raised alone or taught to think only of myself. I have an extended family which I fail miserably to keep in touch with! However this past month I have been in communication with a number of cousins who are having a really hard time. Their problems go from failed marriages, being arrested, unemployment and children being abandoned. Another one asked for a pair of Chuck Taylors.. Kinda pales in comparison. Due to my profession, it is falsely and wrongly assumed I know all aspects of the law and there is a matter of my aunts that I am sure has fallen off the back burner and possibly into prescription. My aunt, bless her soul, is 41 and is determined to get her drivers licence this year. 

I want to help each and every one of them financially but I also want to give them a sense of independence and empower them to meet their own needs. However right now I am not in any position to do that. I am not even going to begin with the rest of the world that is in need. I will make special mention of Sanele May today and include my prayer in his promise blanket to cover him tonight.

 I will also mention toddlers and babies all around the world that are suffering abuse and terror at the hands of those meant to protect them.

This is not even the half of it... I am like  "God, what do you want me to do about all this??. I can't do anything, I can barely make it through the month alone. Why are you putting all this on my heart but no money in my account to achieve it??"

I decided to play some good ol' Hillsong as I was working (with no tears today!), then I heard the song, Solution.

This stood out for me:

"Politics will not decide
If we should rise
And be your hands and feet"

In my case, "economics will not decide.." Then the Holy Spirit reminded me:

2 Chronicles 16:9

" For the eyes of the Lord search back and forth across the whole earth, looking for people whose hearts are perfect toward him, so that he can show his great power in helping them. "

See this does not say He is looking for those with the biggest bank accounts, or best voices, most talented, least ratchet, He wants those with the best hearts. Those whose hearts are perfect towards him. Another version says "those who are loyal to Him".

He does not expect me to come up with the answers (pheeeeeew), He is the answer in Himself. The answer to every needs and question we have. He is the solution. He needs hands and feet, however He wants to start with the heart. What does your heart say?

The song says "Fill our hearts with your compassion. 
God has the best heart attitude. We need to be filled with His compassion for the least of these.  Matthew 14: 13-27  tells us Jesus looked on the crowd of 5000 men with compassion before He performed the miracle. Perhaps if we had compassion we could perform miracles too! Heeeeeeeeeey. It wasnt a convenient time for Jesus though, He was tired and needed to be alone, He has beeeen training these 12 dudes but they still didn't get it- must have been frustrating too. He put all this aside though and attended to them. Need is not convenient, but it can be ground to see a miracle!

I boldly reiterate this as my prayer:

We will be Your hands , we will be Your feet
We will run this race for the least of these
In the darkest place, we will be your light
We will be your light 

However I will not be overwhelmed because I do not expect to come up with the solution, rather I say:

Woah-oh-oh,
God be the solution
Woah-oh-oh
We will be Your hands and be Your feet

If am scared

Feeling a little scared this morning. I have been procrastinating on some work which is super urgent because I just feel so scared, but I cannot put it off anymore.

I am scared that I don't know enough.  

I am scared I may miss something crucial and that will be detrimental to our company.

Yes, there are tears streaming down my face as I consider the thought of going through this contract which is worth lots of money. I feel inadequate.

Then the Holy Spirit reminded me of 

James 1:5

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.

Philippians 4:13

 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth* me.

*In the Bible when they use "eth", it means it something that is constant and continual.

Therefore through Christ I am continually strengthened and God will continually give me wisdom as I ask. He is not going to criticize me because I don't know this!

My grandfather gave me this verse when I was 16 years old:

Proverbs 3:5

Trust in the Lord with all your heart

    and lean not on your own understanding.

I also looked at this through out my high school years:

Proverbs 16:3

Commit to the Lord whatever you do,
    and he will establish your plans.

I agree with Beyonce, I must admit that I am scared, I must release it and definitely move on! I can only move on the power of Christ, not in my own very feeble strength.

Let me work!

Note to self by Tyler Perry

I think this is amazing.

I am so inspired to write one too. In fact I probably will.

Such fire at 5!

Thank You Back Thursday

I work from home. This means I am my sole colleague and like a crazy person naturally I will converse with myself- but I imagine its another person.

The situation exactly!

This afternoon I was giving some advice on child rearing, "because I have experience in what to do with children in certain situations" and toyed with the idea of writing a book.

While I was recounting all this, it struck me that:

1) I have no good ideas. On my own I would self destruct. Everything "good" I have done has been the influence of the Holy Spirit- because I have no good ideas. I have very stupid ideas. eg, A while ago last year  I wanted to get this tatted on my body:

So I'm always smiling

Head B*tch In Charge

Can you see how randomly ridiculous my thinking is???  Looking back from my gap year, to involvement on the SRC, to working in a busy team at my old job, to serving on the camera team at church and now to this new job! Its not that I've been the best suited person to do this, I'm a hazard to myself and society so God has kept me busy to keep me away from myself and pursuing serious tomfoolery!

2 Corinthians 3:5

Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God.

Before I go and big up my damn self for getting to where I am, I have to stop to have #TBT.

As my life unravels down this new path, I know a lot of things are going to change, but I always want to be that foolish thing for God, so He can use me up! 

1 Corinthians 1 26-30

Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are,  so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness,holiness and redemption.

Darlene Zschech #coolsurname correctly says "Glory was never intended for humans. It was only ever intended for God. If we get glory, it is not a matter of if it will ruin us, its a matter of when. Let's always deflect any glory we receive to the throne where it belongs."

Hillsong  Live "You"

Focus

I get bored easily. I have a vivid imagination. A bad combination.

Things kinda go from

TO:

Then I have purchased a one way ticket and I'm

The musings end up with kids and a husband. Well usually a lavish wedding actually. That darn Bella Naija! 

I think this sums it up.

Its so easy to get distracted from your vision, especially as a woman of a certain age, some things make you feel a certain type of way. When you look at a man's left hand, after checking out his impressive shoe game or height..or both!

At church  we were taught to "Never surrender the vision for your life".The teaching was based on 1 Samuel 11:1-11- where basically a village of Israelites was under siege from their enemies. The Israelites wanted to surrender, but the enemy would only allow it in the condition that they gauged out the right eye of every person in the village, to bring disgrace on all of Israel. The Israelites sent out an SOS to other kinfolk, Saul heard of it, got really angry and cup 2 oxen with his bare hands and went 300 on those Ammonites (the enemy).

Slaughtered them into the heat of day

Pastor Andre discussed the importance of vision:

• Vision keeps us from giving into Satan;
• Vision keeps us from giving into our feelings;
• Vision keeps us from giving into sin; and
• Vision keeps us from giving into the immediate!

Right now I have a vision for my life. Well the overall vision- apart from the specific plans which I previously discussed- is to be wealthy, a role model for people with issues and just spend my life of Gods purposes, which is usually His people!

However, these day dreams and creeping ideas are usually a cop out way of achieving half of it. Ok, ill be honest- the thought of marrying rich does flit across my mind. There I said it. Gold digger ain't I?

Alternatively I can stick to my vision, steadily create my own wealth and lay the foundation of my own empire. My vision can keep me from giving into the immediate- rather than being a girlfriend of a guy that is the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, I would rather be that CEO myself!

 Be the man you want to attract! (Post for another day)

 Ladies, can we learn from Floyd Mayweather and his  ex-fiancee situation?

I don't get why she left the stuff though

I don't want to be THOT that chick, and have people like 50 cent talking crazy about you!

Bottom line is, I will stick to the vision for my career, finances, health, family regardless of the immediate distractions that seem attractive. I don't want to regret anything. I want to breathe back the full life that God breathed into me!

I said " I will never surrender God's vision for my life. I will call on the King when I am besieged and weak."

Or if you want to say it like 50 cent

"I'm fully focused man, got my money on my mind, got a mill off the deal but I'm still on the grind!"

Can't believe I had a crush on this man!