How we met..

Every Friday, and a little more often recently, I check out Bella Naija, the weddings segment. 

Im enthralled by the beautiful bride, the size of the ring, the wedding colours, the decor, the groomsmen,the grooms excitement, the ceremony, the reception, the photos of the newly married couple, the traditional wedding which shows the rich culture of the couples and the fashion display by the guests. The pictures are so clear and the each moment is captured with such conciseness, you can taste the egusu and small the sweat as they alingo the night away!

However, my absolute most favourite part of each feature is "How we met", where the bride and groom recount how their worlds collided. There are the childhood sweethearts, those who met in university, some met on BBM, others met through mutual friends, some were set up by relatives and others in a club. 

I like to read about black love, African love especially in a time like this where it seems fidelity and commitment are as ridiculous as Paris Hilton's singing career.

 

I would like to marry a Nigerian man, only if its according to God's plan for my life of course, but its really not that serious! The stories show that it can happen anywhere! You can stumble across this man anywhere- at a party you didn't want to go to, your aunts house when you are in your gym clothes, basically- there is no formula!

There is a greater story though! The story of how Jesus just loved us. I think this is how it panned out; Jesus was sitting at the right hand of the Father, just looking at us while we were being ratchet:

This is just wrong!

This takes the cup in 2013

Then He looked a little further at what was coming for us. He knew He had to save us. We were going to find ourselves in a place we like to tell each other go to, but I doubt anyone wants to go there: HELL.

He got up and said "No, I won't let them. Even if it costs me my life." He looked at us and loved us while we were oblivious. Love is God's thing. Its not our thing. Our thing is to be champions of chaos! 

When I'm stirred up about love stories, I am actually being stirred up to look upon the one who:

Bring out the tissues now! This is love.. He put us on top and came down! Jesus wanted to come and God sent Him. I think it was a bittersweet day in heaven as they watched Jesus descend and get so small that He fit in a girls womb! It was a glorious affair when He ascended back and now they are preparing a place for us too! 

I don't know how those Bella Naija weddings end. Happily ever after isn't always guaranteed, but with God it pretty much is!

The Royal Ramble

It has been a minute!

I actually dont have any good excuses with regards to my silence. I have been observing and living.

First thing I want to share is:

37 days down!

I do not step on a scale, because it is from the devil and we all know the devil is a liar! I rather use a measuring tape- I have lost 4 cm on my hips, 1 inch on the waist and 2 inches off my underbust! My clothes are sitting much better. I do try hard to make better food choices. It is hard, very hard physically- but it is also a mental exercise. You have to focus, you have to watch your posture and form! Everyday I pray "God, please no injuries or I cant do insanity!" and guess what? God has granted me 37 days injury free. 

I started phase 2 yesterday and I really felt like giving up this morning. I felt gutted, like there was nothing more to give! Then I saw this:

                                           "If you take short cuts, you dont earn anything."

I am making myself fit, fast, strong, lean, healthy and hot! I will report back @ day 63 and maybe Ill be brave enough to show some photos #yikes.

Secondly, bullying related suicides are something I am learning about now. It is devastating me. I cant believe that kids think their only escape is death and that these bullies have no boundaries. I believe the answer lies in corporal punishment- yes I said it. You wanna be a bully? You will get a beating or whatever politically correct term is out there now. Parents must discipline their children at home and also teach them that they are valued, precious and encourage them to be confident. Feed them Psalm 139.

I will admit that I used to be a bully in primary school. I was a troubled and troublesome kid. I was intelligent, but was and still am very playful and had a nasty mouth. I was a serious tomboy,so my mom enrolled me for "Finishing touches" classes which ended abruptly after I called the teacher a racist- I was 10. My body was also developing at a very different rate from the other girls, as I witnessed in the changing rooms so it affected my confidence and I became a snitch- describing their bodies to the boys. When I look back now..

The worst thing I did was to snoop around my dads office, he is a lawyer and find a file relating to the family of a girl in my class. Her parents were getting a divorce. I took it upon myself to be the bearer of that news, she was devastated. She didnt know this. Another girl got really upset with me and started crying because her dad left her family when she was young and divorce was a sore spot for her.

 I know..

After that my parents sent me to Zimbabwe where there was no time that mess!!! I was too focused on learning and trying to avoid a beat down from the teacher for all that nonsense. Hence I know that the cane can reduce bullying incidents. However the reason I did that to that girl is because I was insecure. She was very pretty, blonde hair, blue eyes, skinny and a sweet person. The opposite of me. If I had been more secure and confident in myself, I would have befriended her- instead I was friends with Eleanor and Nick both of whom didnt brush their teeth, ate ants and licked the wax out of your ear!

I have forgiven myself and I really hope that all the people I bullied can forgive me too.

Then there is this kid:

I saw his video on Instagram the other day, but just thought it was a once off chubby lil kid doing his thing! I didnt know that he is doing his thang and is kind of a big deal, no pun intended.

He has become quite the sensation! Its great that he has made some headlines at 6, but I wonder what for and for how long? I do not support the people that are bashing him, calling him fat and questioning what is happening with his education. Those people are not coming from a place of concern for his health or his future, they are envious. They will die without ever interacting with half the people Lil Cuz Terio has come in contact with or even the money he is clearly making. He has defied stereotypes- he is a dark skinned lil chubkins who has come on the scene to "Oooh Kill Em".

Those people attacking him need to remember this, he is 6 years old. Why is there so much "hate" and negativity coming towards him? I don't see people responding this way to Sofia Grace and Rosie, instead we thought it was cute and adorable to see these little british white girls trying to rap!

What is so different and terrible about what Terrio is doing? My only concern is the profanity in the music and of course his health.

Maybe Sofia Grace should fire Rosy and hire Terrio! I'll leave you with that thought!

Solution

If you have been reading this blog, you know by now I get overwhelmed quite a bit.

Its honestly because I am controlling. If I really "let go and let God", or trusted people a little more- I would have no worries.

Although I am an only child, I was not raised alone or taught to think only of myself. I have an extended family which I fail miserably to keep in touch with! However this past month I have been in communication with a number of cousins who are having a really hard time. Their problems go from failed marriages, being arrested, unemployment and children being abandoned. Another one asked for a pair of Chuck Taylors.. Kinda pales in comparison. Due to my profession, it is falsely and wrongly assumed I know all aspects of the law and there is a matter of my aunts that I am sure has fallen off the back burner and possibly into prescription. My aunt, bless her soul, is 41 and is determined to get her drivers licence this year. 

I want to help each and every one of them financially but I also want to give them a sense of independence and empower them to meet their own needs. However right now I am not in any position to do that. I am not even going to begin with the rest of the world that is in need. I will make special mention of Sanele May today and include my prayer in his promise blanket to cover him tonight.

 I will also mention toddlers and babies all around the world that are suffering abuse and terror at the hands of those meant to protect them.

This is not even the half of it... I am like  "God, what do you want me to do about all this??. I can't do anything, I can barely make it through the month alone. Why are you putting all this on my heart but no money in my account to achieve it??"

I decided to play some good ol' Hillsong as I was working (with no tears today!), then I heard the song, Solution.

This stood out for me:

"Politics will not decide
If we should rise
And be your hands and feet"

In my case, "economics will not decide.." Then the Holy Spirit reminded me:

2 Chronicles 16:9

" For the eyes of the Lord search back and forth across the whole earth, looking for people whose hearts are perfect toward him, so that he can show his great power in helping them. "

See this does not say He is looking for those with the biggest bank accounts, or best voices, most talented, least ratchet, He wants those with the best hearts. Those whose hearts are perfect towards him. Another version says "those who are loyal to Him".

He does not expect me to come up with the answers (pheeeeeew), He is the answer in Himself. The answer to every needs and question we have. He is the solution. He needs hands and feet, however He wants to start with the heart. What does your heart say?

The song says "Fill our hearts with your compassion. 
God has the best heart attitude. We need to be filled with His compassion for the least of these.  Matthew 14: 13-27  tells us Jesus looked on the crowd of 5000 men with compassion before He performed the miracle. Perhaps if we had compassion we could perform miracles too! Heeeeeeeeeey. It wasnt a convenient time for Jesus though, He was tired and needed to be alone, He has beeeen training these 12 dudes but they still didn't get it- must have been frustrating too. He put all this aside though and attended to them. Need is not convenient, but it can be ground to see a miracle!

I boldly reiterate this as my prayer:

We will be Your hands , we will be Your feet
We will run this race for the least of these
In the darkest place, we will be your light
We will be your light 

However I will not be overwhelmed because I do not expect to come up with the solution, rather I say:

Woah-oh-oh,
God be the solution
Woah-oh-oh
We will be Your hands and be Your feet

If am scared

Feeling a little scared this morning. I have been procrastinating on some work which is super urgent because I just feel so scared, but I cannot put it off anymore.

I am scared that I don't know enough.  

I am scared I may miss something crucial and that will be detrimental to our company.

Yes, there are tears streaming down my face as I consider the thought of going through this contract which is worth lots of money. I feel inadequate.

Then the Holy Spirit reminded me of 

James 1:5

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.

Philippians 4:13

 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth* me.

*In the Bible when they use "eth", it means it something that is constant and continual.

Therefore through Christ I am continually strengthened and God will continually give me wisdom as I ask. He is not going to criticize me because I don't know this!

My grandfather gave me this verse when I was 16 years old:

Proverbs 3:5

Trust in the Lord with all your heart

    and lean not on your own understanding.

I also looked at this through out my high school years:

Proverbs 16:3

Commit to the Lord whatever you do,
    and he will establish your plans.

I agree with Beyonce, I must admit that I am scared, I must release it and definitely move on! I can only move on the power of Christ, not in my own very feeble strength.

Let me work!

Note to self by Tyler Perry

I think this is amazing.

I am so inspired to write one too. In fact I probably will.

Such fire at 5!

Thank You Back Thursday

I work from home. This means I am my sole colleague and like a crazy person naturally I will converse with myself- but I imagine its another person.

The situation exactly!

This afternoon I was giving some advice on child rearing, "because I have experience in what to do with children in certain situations" and toyed with the idea of writing a book.

While I was recounting all this, it struck me that:

1) I have no good ideas. On my own I would self destruct. Everything "good" I have done has been the influence of the Holy Spirit- because I have no good ideas. I have very stupid ideas. eg, A while ago last year  I wanted to get this tatted on my body:

So I'm always smiling

Head B*tch In Charge

Can you see how randomly ridiculous my thinking is???  Looking back from my gap year, to involvement on the SRC, to working in a busy team at my old job, to serving on the camera team at church and now to this new job! Its not that I've been the best suited person to do this, I'm a hazard to myself and society so God has kept me busy to keep me away from myself and pursuing serious tomfoolery!

2 Corinthians 3:5

Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God.

Before I go and big up my damn self for getting to where I am, I have to stop to have #TBT.

As my life unravels down this new path, I know a lot of things are going to change, but I always want to be that foolish thing for God, so He can use me up! 

1 Corinthians 1 26-30

Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are,  so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness,holiness and redemption.

Darlene Zschech #coolsurname correctly says "Glory was never intended for humans. It was only ever intended for God. If we get glory, it is not a matter of if it will ruin us, its a matter of when. Let's always deflect any glory we receive to the throne where it belongs."

Hillsong  Live "You"

Focus

I get bored easily. I have a vivid imagination. A bad combination.

Things kinda go from

TO:

Then I have purchased a one way ticket and I'm

The musings end up with kids and a husband. Well usually a lavish wedding actually. That darn Bella Naija! 

I think this sums it up.

Its so easy to get distracted from your vision, especially as a woman of a certain age, some things make you feel a certain type of way. When you look at a man's left hand, after checking out his impressive shoe game or height..or both!

At church  we were taught to "Never surrender the vision for your life".The teaching was based on 1 Samuel 11:1-11- where basically a village of Israelites was under siege from their enemies. The Israelites wanted to surrender, but the enemy would only allow it in the condition that they gauged out the right eye of every person in the village, to bring disgrace on all of Israel. The Israelites sent out an SOS to other kinfolk, Saul heard of it, got really angry and cup 2 oxen with his bare hands and went 300 on those Ammonites (the enemy).

Slaughtered them into the heat of day

Pastor Andre discussed the importance of vision:

• Vision keeps us from giving into Satan;
• Vision keeps us from giving into our feelings;
• Vision keeps us from giving into sin; and
• Vision keeps us from giving into the immediate!

Right now I have a vision for my life. Well the overall vision- apart from the specific plans which I previously discussed- is to be wealthy, a role model for people with issues and just spend my life of Gods purposes, which is usually His people!

However, these day dreams and creeping ideas are usually a cop out way of achieving half of it. Ok, ill be honest- the thought of marrying rich does flit across my mind. There I said it. Gold digger ain't I?

Alternatively I can stick to my vision, steadily create my own wealth and lay the foundation of my own empire. My vision can keep me from giving into the immediate- rather than being a girlfriend of a guy that is the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, I would rather be that CEO myself!

 Be the man you want to attract! (Post for another day)

 Ladies, can we learn from Floyd Mayweather and his  ex-fiancee situation?

I don't get why she left the stuff though

I don't want to be THOT that chick, and have people like 50 cent talking crazy about you!

Bottom line is, I will stick to the vision for my career, finances, health, family regardless of the immediate distractions that seem attractive. I don't want to regret anything. I want to breathe back the full life that God breathed into me!

I said " I will never surrender God's vision for my life. I will call on the King when I am besieged and weak."

Or if you want to say it like 50 cent

"I'm fully focused man, got my money on my mind, got a mill off the deal but I'm still on the grind!"

Can't believe I had a crush on this man!

Note to self:

I don't like to be mean to myself, because I am on my own team- that one person I should be able to rely on. However, right now I have a public service announcement for my damn self :

Like seriously

Just :

If thats too hard to do, then when I feel the urge/ need to say something I should rather:

Preferably water

Or else next time, my mouth will get me into a situation

The bottom line is 

 Proverbs 17:28 says:

Even dunces who keep quiet are thought to be wise;
    as long as they keep their mouths shut, they’re smart.

James 1:19

My dear brothers and sisters, pay attention to what I say. Everyone should be quick to listen. But they should be slow to speak.

Proverbs 10:8

The wise in heart accept commands,but a chattering fool comes to ruin.

Proverbs 13:3

He who guards his mouth preserves his life,
But he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction.

My prayers are Job 6: 24

“Teach me, and I will be quiet"

and 

1 Thessalonians 4:11-12

and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.

The Art of Listening

Use your ears for listening. They are not there for decorations!


Quoting John Maxwell "If you talk good, chances are you don't listen too well."

Proverbs 15:14

The (discerning) mind  of one who has understanding seeks knowledge,
 but the mouths of fools feed on folly (foolishness).

So..

Then ask God for wisdom regarding what you have heard and how to deal with the situation. 

A.W. Tozer: "Among the gifts of the Spirit scarcely one is of greater practical usefulness than the gift of discernment. This gift should be highly valued and frankly sought as being almost indispensable in these critical times. This gift will enable us to distinguish the chaff from the wheat and to divide the manifestations of the flesh from the operations of the Spirit."

Isa 11:2-3 (NIV) The Spirit of the Lord will rest upon him--the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding, the Spirit of counsel and of power, the Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the Lord--and he will delight in the fear of the Lord. He will not judge by what he sees with his eyes, or decide by what he hears with his ears.

1 Sam 16:7 (NIV) "...Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."

Floundering

"Floundering: Struggle mentally; show or feel great confusion"

Over dinner with my boss and colleagues the other night, being the dumbest youngest in the group, all the all the attention was on me and my crazy radical ideas.

I let loose on my ideals on relationships, future aspirations and everything in between.

Shining and feeling like a million bucks

I got schooled by those who have been on that path, long before I was an idea.

I'll share some of what I said on various topics:

Marriage

I did not enjoy the story but I liked the characters. I feel that Hollyweird and the whole world fail to grasp and portray the role of a black, successful and single woman. Why does it seem like she never gets it all???

There always has to be a compromise of some sort... I digress

I shared with colleagues that as much as I want to get married someday, its not now. I don't have enough money, I don't have my Masters degree and above all- I dont like the connotations of the word "submit". I feel like its in the neighbourhood of the word "slave". Lord knows this. I have told Him this. 

At that my mentor, a highly educated colleague who has 3 children, a Masters (was doing her PHD but realised all the jobs she would be offered with a PHD would be academic and stopped) and married for over 20 years, told me that I dont have to look at it from that perspective. Submit basically means being nice to your husband and treating him with respect. Its basically doing everything that you can to make him happy. She got married at 21. She was looking for someone to be her best friend, share bills with and just do life together. They went to court, signed on the dotted lines and the rest is history.

I can only trust and respect someone who is respectable. Even King Solomon wants to know where to find those dudes in Proverbs 20:6, he asks:

Many a man proclaims his own loving-kindness and goodness, but a faithful man who can find?

Career

As I mentioned, my boss was at the table so when I raised talks of doing my Masters degree full time at Harvard. He shook his head. Like I mentioned in my previous post, I am working my dream job- I never in my wildest dreams thought at 25 I would be involved in work I am about to get involved in, having access to the type of people even LindkedIn can't connect you with. Its just by divine appointment. 

My mentor asked me what I wanted to study. I told her "political sciences", and she laughed. I wide eyed told her "I want to help people", at which she then responded "do you want power or to help people?". The kind of work we do does and really will change many people's lives. I was stumped. 

Let me think about it..

She went on to draw the parallel between my relationship and career- I don't want to commit to anything or anyone. Which is true. I am a commitment phobe. I am committed to Jesus- isn't that enough? I guess it should filter down to the rest of my life. I need to commit to keeping healthy, for the bulk of my life I have had struggles with weight. I am now happy with my body, regardless of the shape or size. Its the vehicle that I use to fulfill my destiny and purpose God has called me for. I can improve it though! Take it from a Toyota to a Bugatti... and be like:

I am thinking of trying out the Insanity Workout.. It needs 60 days of commitment. 

BUT

                                       Yes I can!

Again, I digress.

At the table was an old wise man who has seen the world, has 3 sons and he said "when you know who are, you won't have so many of these problems." "You wont care what people think and when you meet a man who knows who he is, he wont feel threatened by what you do". He also told me that people go and get Masters degrees so they can do they job I am already doing right now. He even offered to take me to Cambridge to visit Harvard and MIT,but just to tour the campus.

At the end of the night I felt like:

My mentor said "You are floundering. You want to be in politics, to help people, to have power, to be in business, to work in Africa, to do Masters full time at Harvard. Girl, you are so confused". She also asked "what is so great about single that you can't have or do within a relationship?" If I want to go to the club- I can go with this man. I said "I dont have the money to get married", she countered "you can make the money together." I was out of comebacks!

I am floundering. I am working my way out of the confusion with the Holy Spirit, the Helper. He has helped me tremendously over these past few weeks. 

I am smack bam in the middle of Proverbs 19:21

Many plans are in a man’s mind, but it is the Lord’s purpose for him that will stand.

As you can see, I had many plans in my heart! So many they made my head spin. However God's will will prevail above my little plans. In brief, my plans were:

Work in a law firm for about 2 years post admission.

Apply to do my first  Masters at University of London in African Politics, for a year to improve my under-grad University results.

Apply to Harvard Kennedy School of Government or MIT for the Masters in Public Policy for 2 years.

Get a job at Mckinsey in New York  through the recruiters.

Come back to Africa, the Mckinsey office in Johannesburg or Lagos.

Find a way to get into mining, etc.

God has now:

Given me the job in mining,etc.

Without all those other things I planned to do. I haven't changed up to walk along Him in this new lane, I'm still looking at my plans saying "Hey God, I think we're meant to be going this way." Pointing back. God is like "No, child. Its my way." 

Where I want to be